Anyone who knows me, has known me, or has gotten to know me via my blog or other social media, can probably tell that I'm openly gay. I wouldn't say I'm very transparent or an open book, but I don't go to any lengths to hide who I am, or act differently because of "Societal Norms". I am who I am, and that is that. But oddly enough, I've only been openly gay for about two years now... And I'm 20 years old now. So what about the first 18 years of my life? Well it wasn't easy...
I grew up in a loving family where we didn't make fun of people for being gay. My parents raised me to never disrespect or bully another person because of their religion, race, sexuality, gender, views, or actions. As a little boy I loved to play dress up with my cousins. I loved jewelry and high heels. I also loved hot wheels, batman, spiderman, bike riding, and camping. My parents always supported what I wanted to do (well as long as it was safe.. I was kind of an adventurous child so they had to keep an eye on me). I loved Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and all the 90s Boy Bands. I didn't learn that being gay was "wrong" from them. I learned it from Society.
I got teased a little in Elementary school because of what I liked. But it wasn't anything too harsh. I went to a really small elementary school so there wasn't ever really any problems. I did however learn that little boys liked little girls. That's just how it was, and that was the only way it was. If you didn't, then it was weird. Naturally, I liked the other girls as friends. And I started to assume that I probably "liked them-liked them" too. But I was always a little unsure. But I didn't really talk about it because it was "different".
Middle school is where most of my "lessons" came from. I was bullied right from the beginning. I was harassed by a ton of people. Every gay-bashing term in the book has been thrown at me at least once. That's when I learned that being gay had to be wrong. I stopped being so outgoing. I tried to blend in as much as possible to avoid being hurt again. I repressed all my feelings. And that followed me through high school. I had repressed my feelings so much that it became normal. Being gay was just a "phase" and I had to eventually grow out of it.
Eventually, I realized I never would. My senior year, I started to come to terms. I had to end a relationship with an extremely sweet girl that I was dating. I slowly started telling people. Those people who were truly my friends stuck by my side. Others left. And I'm okay with that now. But I waited until the very end of my senior year to FINALLY stop hiding who I was...
18 years. It took me that long to tell my family and friends. It took me that long to stop "hating" myself and thinking I was "wrong" or "confused". Why? Because that's what society "Taught" me! If other children had been raised as I was, and laws didn't intentionally discriminate against homosexuals, we would essentially wipe away this attitude that being gay is wrong. It starts with you, and it has to start now. We're only hurting ourselves and hurting other people.
I had to hide from myself for so long because I was so afraid of loosing everyone. It was almost as if I had to decide if I was going to continue hiding, or enter into battle and be publicly out. And today, I'm more than happy with myself. I've never been so comfortable in my own skin. I still feel as though I had to waste so much of my life caring about this though. So much stress, hurt, and conflict.. All of which could have been avoided. And I know many other people share similar stories, and even harder ones. No one should have to go through that.
We're not born knowing how to "hate". We're taught it. So stop spreading this hate. Stop telling people their lifestyle is "wrong" and preaching this idea of inequality. Stop acting as though this whole thing will just calm down and resolve itself. Stop pushing this issue to the back of the agenda because its "not important". It is. Because as long as laws are still in place that prohibit a group of people from doing something that everyone else is allowed to do, we're still training society to believe that it is wrong.
Stop the hate and spread the love. Marriage equality isn't a choice, it's a necessity. Everyone should be free to love who they want, and marry them if they wish. Why restrict love and keep promoting hate? The more love we allow, the more love we spread. One day, I hope I can raise my child in society that teaches them to love whoever they want without judgement or feelings of wrongdoing. I want to raise him/her in a society that advocates love instead of hate and discrimination. Don't you?
